


Quality Time

by blueberryfallout



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Gen, so cracky you could snort it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 18:54:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7544050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueberryfallout/pseuds/blueberryfallout
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Ah, my dear Mx_Carter. remember that time, early on in our friendship, when you said these words, and i quote, " So yeah basically I would read anything you wrote. You could write a crack!fic involving Tim Drake falling in love with a fish and I would read it." do you remember that? because i do. here is that fic</p>
    </blockquote>





	Quality Time

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, my dear Mx_Carter. remember that time, early on in our friendship, when you said these words, and i quote, " So yeah basically I would read anything you wrote. You could write a crack!fic involving Tim Drake falling in love with a fish and I would read it." do you remember that? because i do. here is that fic

Tim has loved a lot of people in his life. Steph. Kon. Tam. He likes to think he makes a good boyfriend; he knows he has a tendency to focus on work to the exclusion of all else, but he’s also loyal, attentive, intelligent, all the qualities he values in other people. Right now he’s not thinking about values, though. 

Everything’s been a little hazy for a while, like he’s in a washing machine going round and round and wow, it must suck to be clothes. Tim turns his head, making goggle eyes at Damian’s newest pet, a foot long koi fish named Arthuria. Wow. What a gorgeous fish, he thinks. Tim wishes he had scales that pretty and a tail that swished and gills.

“I love you,” he tells her, very serious. This is a very serious matter. It’s not often that a man meets his soulmate in the form of a fish, but Tim can just _tell_ , you know? He stares into her glossy round eyes, mesmerized, swaying back and forth in the rhythm of her tail. “I’m going to keep you safe,” he promises, choking up a little, kissing the glass of her fish tank. 

“Jesus Christ, who gave Timmy the good stuff?” Jason asks, striding into Damian’s room without knocking. Tim tears his eyes away from Arthuria to wonder: why is he in Damian’s room? No one is _ever_ allowed in Damian’s room. It’s nice in here, he decides, kinda anally neat but that’s expected. 

“Drake got a mouthful of Ivy’s latest toxin,” Damian sniffs, snotty as ever. Wow! Tim didn’t even notice he was there. Damian’s great at sneaking. Must be a biological Wayne thing. “Grayson told me to keep an eye on him until they concoct an antidote.” 

Jason lifts one beautifully expressive eyebrow, the one with the scar through it. He can do great things with those eyebrows. Tim scrambles to his feet and hugs him, feeling the buttery soft leather of his jacket, hard armor underneath. 

“Uh, hey, Timmy,” Jason says, patting him on the back. His hands are _huge_ , jeez. Jason’s bigger than everyone in the family, even Bruce. And Tim’s the smallest. 

He beams up at Jason, letting go after a second longer. “This is Arthuria,” he says, turning to splay his hands against the glass. Arthuria goggles back at him, calm.

“Stop that, Drake. You’ll leave smudges.” God, Damian is such a _square_ for someone who’s killed people. 

“I’m going to marry her,” Tim continues, ignoring Damian. Jason says a couple of very rude things in Spanish, which isn’t nice of him. Tim was gonna have him be a bridesmaid. “I am so glad that death took me out of this family,” Jason declares, leaving the room. Tim laughs; Jason is so funny when he thinks he managed to escape the family, like Oracle doesn’t have cameras in his apartment, like Dick doesn’t bring him hot soup when it’s cold and he’s on patrol. 

“Damian, I’m going to have to move Arthuria to my room,” he says, resting his face against her tank. The glass feels nice and cool. 

“I am not letting you _fornicate_ with my fish,” Damian spits, visibly bristling. 

“Ew, what?” Tim cocks his head, rising from his kneeling position. “I just want to be near her, I’m not a weirdo.”

“You’re in _love_ with a _fish_.” Damian is seething, hands clenched at his sides, and even in jeans and a tshirt with wolves on it he’s pretty threatening. 

“There’s no need to be rude about it!” Damian is clearly about to say something devastating and very Talia, but Dick comes in, brandishing a bottle filled with green goo. 

“Here ya go, Redbird,” Dick says, affectionate, Tim turning his face to him like he would towards the sun. 

“Thanks, Dick!” Tim gulps it down, tasting lavender and the bitter taste of medicine. He doesn’t feel any different, kinda fuzzy still. “Dick? I don’t-” The room goes dark.  
++  
Tim wakes up with gunk in the back of his throat and a mild headache, getting to his hands and knees with a bit of effort. He’s in his room now, except he kind of remembers being in Damian’s. Weird. He rolls to sit on the edge of his bed, grabbing for a bottle of water from the mini-fridge under his nightstand and drinking deep. 

The last thing he remembers clearly is sneaking up behind Ivy, reaching his glove out…There’s a gurgle that makes him jump and look around. A fishtank is perched on the floor near his bed, one huge fish swimming placidly back and forth. On the glass of the tank there’s a sticky note that Tim steps closer to read; it’s in Dick’s ostentatious loopy handwriting. _You’re welcome, lover boy._ Lover boy? Sometimes Tim really wonders what’s wrong with this family. He watches the fish for a few moments before shrugging and getting up to grab his jacket. Might as well go buy some fish food.


End file.
